2/25/04

Mental Mishegoss

Staring at this (formerly) blank page sucks
and right now that blank page is my brain.
My mind is practically inert, burdened with
so many thoughts as to be rendered neutral.
There is so much in it that I cannot think.
A month’s worth of thoughts backed up in my
cerebral cortex as if my medulla oblongata
were the pipes leading to my clogged drain.

I need a week alone with nothing but a
continuous IV drip of coffee, the
occasional roast beef sandwich or
bacon, egg & whatever on some kind of
bread dealy -- all by myself in a cozy room
with a laptop computer to translate my
thoughts to zeros and ones and back out again,
hopefully resembling an altavista.com translation
from English to French and back -- the words
are similar, but too literal as to become its own
jagged vernacular of meaningless mishegoss.

This would more accurately describe the way
I’ve been feeling these past few months.
I no longer make sense to myself.
Happy one moment, the next I come
crashing down to oblivion. I’ve been riding
the Emotional Freefall at Six Flags Cranial Adventure --
free Prozac and beer with admission.

**********************************
To fixedly look at this (formerly) white page sucks
and in this moment this white page is my brain.
My spirit is practically inert, charged with thus
much of thoughts as for are made neutral.
There is so much in what I cannot think.
A value of month’s of the thoughts supported in
my cerebral cortex as if my oblongata of medulla
were the pipes carrying out to my blocked drain.

I need alone one week with nothing but a
continuous drainage of IV coffee, the
occasional sandwich with ox of roasts or
bacon, egg and that which on a certain kind
of bread dealy -- all by me in a comfortable room
with a portable computer to represent my
thoughts to the zeros and those and to still support,
resembling if all goes well to a translation of
altavista.com English-French the and back
one -- the words are similar, but too literal
as for become his clean vernacular jagged
mishegoss without significance.

This would describe the I’ve manner more
exactly feeling these last months. I do not
have a direction for me more. One happy
moment, the next one I come breaking to the
bottom to forgets. I’ve assembling the emotive
free fall with the cranial adventure of six flags --
free Prozac and beer with the admission.