Saturday, March 08, 2003

I can't believe it has been three weeks since I updated this last. Unbelievable. I mean, I have a vast archive of material to post here, and this is the site where it's supposed to be easy for me to just go "Bam! Here's a thing i wrote one day in Buffalo when I was alone drinking coffee" or "Here's some shit I wrote in Seattle, while drinking coffee alone" or "Yeah, here's something I wrote in Borders Cafe a couple months ago, while drinking some lonely coffee." Without further ado, let me submit to you something I wrote on a cold day in Buffalo in the year 2000, while getting coffee, alone. I think it contains some hopeless optimism sorely needed at a time when we are now faced with the prospect of war, so that people can die for oil. Needless to say, this was my naive hope in a world gone cynical. Okay, fine, with a little bit of ado, I present to you: "Jello Biafra For President"

Jello Biafra For President

Riding on the Metrorail reading Ray Bradbury’s "Something Wicked This Way Comes," when I notice the man who sits down next to me. More specifically, I notice his fingernails. His nails are longer than any Christ-boy I’ve ever seen before -- and they ick me out. He looks like a vagrant, but he has nice corduroy pants. He’s wearing a ski-cap pulled down over his face, covering most of his long hair and hiding his eyes from those prying train people.

My eyes flit away from my book as I check the stop, and i feel as if this could be the type of person who would not only picket an ob/gyn counselling center, but also go that extra mile and cause some death -- hunting an endagered species out of season. Visions like this one and the very existence of a bumper sticker that says “Buffalo For Jesus 2000” make me hopeful for a candidate like Jello Biafra to get elected.

Even if he was to win, he would never get Congress to pass any of his bills. Even Clinton, the most right-wing Democratic Prez yet, was reviled by those crypto-fascist Republicans in Congress, if only because he was just like them, only he called himself something different. Even so, Jello as President would definitely stir up some excitement. He could replace all the talking heads in the Cabinet with real people, I’d like to see that. That would make the state of Kansas shit their collective brick! Maybe the South would finally secede from the Union. Maybe California could become two states --> Crunchyfornia (North) and Fascistfornia (South)... That would liven things up.