Monday, April 21, 2003

Well, as promised many moons ago, here is another excerpt from my forthcoming (evetually) book. I hope it was worth the wait.


I first encountered Geo at the Sunset Inn -- a non-alcholic dance club on my college campus, which I would later student-manage for two and-a-half years. We talked about music for a while, but the only artist that stinks out for me is Nanci Griffith. At this point, I wasn’t listening to anything remotely country, so I wouldn’t have been into her just then. He figured as much.

He was older, I think he said he was 24, and he had been in the army, and was now going to school on the G.I. Bill. Geo was a short, cute guy who looked kind of like Neil Finn from Split Enz and Crowded House. We also talked about the Kids In the Hall. When the club was closing at 2am, he mentioned that he had some Kids In the Hall episodes on tape at his house off-campus. Being the big Kids In the Hall freak I was, I took him up on his offer, so he drove us to his house.

We got to his house about 2:30am, and it was freezing inside. This was, after all, the middle of winter in upstate New York, mind you. I’m not sure what kind of freaky Hobbit he was that he didn’t need heat, but it was freakin’ colder than a well-digger’s ass in there. I did all I could to keep warm, but it was no use.

After declining his offer to partake in the consumption of one of his M.R.E.’s (Meal Ready to Eat, Army issue), I asked if he would mind starting up the Kids In the Hall viewing, since that was my whole motivation for being there. Mysteriously, as I sat on his bed, anticipating my favorite sketch comedy show, the TV set was not functioning properly. “Hmmm...” I thought to myself, “This sure is odd.” Since I was freezing my tuckus off, and there was no Canadian sketch comedy afoot, I decided it might be best if I got myself back to the mild warmth of my dorm room before I lost any extremeties to frostbite.

And that is when he sat behind me on his queen-size bed and started giving me a backrub. Now, I wasn’t the most experienced lad at the time (I’m still not, really), but just then I got one of those weird feelings (not the good kind). Of course, nobody had ever attempted to touch my back before, so I wasn’t sure if this was a come-on or not. Nonetheless, I was sufficiently eeked-out, and instictively used the tried-and-true”I have to get up early for work in the morning” excuse that every guy uses. This was true, however, but also incredibly convenient.

“You can sleep here tonight. It’s okay. I’ve got plenty of pillows and an extra blanket...”

“No, thanks. I should really just call a cab and get back to campus.”

After spending several awkward minutes fidgeting in silence, the cab finally honked its horn, ready to whisk me back to my warm dorm room, where the only physical contact my roommate would make with me were some drunk “you are my best friend” hugs and the sober fist-fight we would eventually get into before the semester was over.

I bumped into Geo occasionally after that -- the first being at our friend Gretchen’s trailer one night for a party. I can still see the way his eyes lit up as he dashed across the room and sat on his knees all excitedly when he arrived and saw me while scanning the room. At this point, I hadn’t yet put two and two together, though there was a nagging feeling I couldn’t quite place my finger on...

Another time, I bumped into him at the Price Chopper, with some guy. It was then, while watching him grabbing and feeling the produce, and interacting with his friend, that I made the connection.

So one night at the Sunset, I asked my friend Anna, who was a townie, but also a freaky vampire girl, “Is Geo gay?” She replied in that “duh, moron!” tone quite bluntly, “WHY DON’T YOU ASK HIS BOYFRIEND?” Mystery solved. I think I tried to explain to her why I was asking, because it wasn’t like I just went around randomly asking if so-and-so was into guys.

I don’t recall seeing too much more of Geo after that. I hope he’s happy, wherever he is. Also, I’d like him to know that I now enjoy the music of Nanci Griffith. And also, if I had swung that way, I would totally have gone for him. I’m still waiting for a woman that cute to be so forward with me. Sigh.